Howl
by That Tath
Summary: To Remus and Sirius, a howl can mean so much. It can be a cry of pain, sadness, or joy. It can be a symbol of days long gone. It can be a promise, carried down through the years, a promise that touches everyone. Not slash!
1. Howl with Pain

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, places, etc. **

**A/N: Well, this is going to be a different kind of story for me. Each chapter is going to a separate occasion in which a simple howl affected Remus and Sirius (this is NOT slash though). However, that isn't to say that each chapter can be read as separate stories, because they are all connected, which will become more obvious in later chapters.**

Remus sat in the Shrieking Shack, waiting for the moon to rise. He could feel the wolf inside him, patiently waiting to come out. He started to shake slightly and knew that within a few minutes the transformation would start and the wolf would take over.

Remus hunched over as the first wave of pain hit him. He clenched his teeth, but still cried out as his body started to change. It didn't matter how often he went through the transformation; it never got any easier to deal with. Remus could feel his bones change, his skin splitting and growing over the wolf's body. He head pounded as his skull lengthened. Fur was starting to spread over his body as his ears and tail finished growing. Remus howled in pain as the transformation finished and the wolf took over.

The wolf wanted out, but there was no way to get out. He threw himself at the walls and clawed at them. There were humans out there, there was food beyond these walls, but he couldn't get to it. The wolf snarled and slashed his own leg, letting out a small yelp of pain before lapping at the blood, relishing the taste.

The night passed quickly with the wolf alternating between trying to escape and clawing himself. Whenever he stopped to rest he would howl in pain, though soon after he would be up again and begin tearing himself apart once more.

XXXXX

"Come on Padfoot, it'll be fun. Besides, you even said that you wanted to practice change…" James, Sirius, and Peter were sitting in their dormitory, practicing and attempting to change into their Animagus forms. So far, Sirius was the only one to successfully transform, although he had moments of panic where he would instantly change back.

Sirius glared at his friend. "Yes, but I never agreed to be used as your pillow! You were the one that accidentally set in on fire."

"You still need to practice if you want to help Moony next month." James reminded him. Sirius stayed where he was, unmoving and unchanging. James sighed. "Fine, I won't use you as a pillow, but come on, change anyway!"

"Besides, it's so cool to watch!" Peter added excitedly.

Sirius let out a bark of laughter, sounding almost like the giant bear-like dog he could turn into, but finally relented. Unlike Remus' transformations, his was completely smooth. He didn't feel any pain as he changed into a dog; his was quick, easy, and completely painless. After it finished he stayed where he was; he needed a few seconds to get used to his new body and senses.

"Hey Padfoot, you okay?" James asked. He was holding his wand out, ready to perform the spell to change Sirius back if he needed to. It wouldn't have been the first time they had used it.

Sirius barked and ran over to him, a maniacal grin on his face. He sat down next to James and stared at him with a look that plainly said, "What are we going to do now?"

James grinned and began petting Sirius. "Oh you're such a good puppy Padfoot! Yes you are! Yes you are!"

Sirius growled and moved away from him. He did not like to be treated like some normal, tiny puppy. Well, that wasn't true; he was fine with it as long as a cute girl was treating him that way. Sirius walked over to James' bed and pulled the blankets onto the floor. He continued to yank on them until they started to rip.

"Sirius!" James yelled. He pulled out his wand and muttered a quick spell that tied a length of rope around his friend's neck.

Sirius turned and growled at him, almost daring him to try to stop him. "Peter, help me get this mutt off my blankets!" James yelled, not noticing that Sirius was no longer paying any attention to them and was looking towards the window with a slightly puzzled look on his face. Peter scurried over and the two of them gave a sharp tug on the rope. Sirius yelped as the rope dug into his neck and tumbled over onto the floor.

James pulled out his wand and got rid of the rope. "Sirius, are you okay?" He asked. "I didn't mean to hurt you…"

Sirius ignored him and ran over to the open window. He thought he had heard something… Yes, there it was again, a loud pain-filled howl coming from the direction of Hogsmeade. Sirius whimpered as his friend's howl was replaced with softer yelps of pain. He had almost forgotten that it was the full moon; he almost forgotten that Remus was currently tearing himself apart. When the howls started up again Sirius stuck his head out the window and howled as well.

James pulled Sirius in and closed the window. "What were you doing? If someone had heard you or seen you…"

Sirius changed back and collapsed on his bed. "I heard him." He said softly. "I could hear him howling and yelping." He shook his head. "James you didn't know how hard it was, how painful it was to listen to that, knowing that I could be there helping him…"

"Sirius you couldn't have been there!" James said. "You froze up just yesterday! You panicked and changed back after only a few seconds! What if you had that happen tonight?"

"I know James!" Sirius snapped. He saw the hurt look on his friend's face and sighed. "I'm sorry." He said. "It's just frustrating to be so close, but still have to sit here while Remus is out there… Just don't ask me to practice anymore tonight, okay?"

"Well, I still need to practice tonight." James said. "You'd better get your wand out, just in case."

"You're going to get it this time though, James!" Peter said enthusiastically. "You're going to change tonight, I know it!"

Peter was right. After about an hour or so of failed attempts James successfully managed to turn into a stag, then back into a human. Yet even though he was happy for his friend, Sirius thought he could still hear Remus' howls echoing faintly in the night. Yes, James may have completed the transformation, but Peter hadn't and all three of them needed to perfect it in a month because Sirius would not spend another full moon listening to his friend howl with pain.


	2. Howl with a Pack

**Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. I really need to come up with a better disclaimer, don't I?**

_They really need to work on their timing._ Remus thought as he sat in the Shrieking Shack, waiting for his friends to arrive. Well, that wasn't really accurate. He was waiting to transform; he wasn't sure if he wanted his friends here for this, so he couldn't really say he was waiting for them.

The door gave a small creak and James, Sirius, and Peter came in. "Sorry we're late, we-" Sirius stopped as he took in his surroundings. They had never seen the inside of the Shack before and all of them were stunned at its condition. All of the furniture in it was completely shattered. Claw marks covered the walls and floor which they realized were covered with dried blood. In the center of this sat Remus, completely naked except for his underwear, looking worried, but otherwise calm.

Sirius opened his mouth to say something, but at that moment Remus hunched over as the first wave of pain hit him. "Change. Now." He ground out as his body started to shake. His friends changed quickly, though their eyes never left their friend.

None of them would forget Remus' transformation. How could they? They couldn't forget the sight of their friend moaning and then snarling, his bones crunching as they reformed, his body changing into that of a wolf's. When he turned to stare at them, the golden eyes held no sign of recognition. Remus hadn't been lying; their friend was gone.

Or was he? Moony padded over to them and the all pressed together, each of them silently regretting their decision. He stopped about three feet in front of them and stared at them. He then padded forward again, and Sirius growled a warning.

Surprisingly, Moony stopped. He tilted his head to the side and sniffed. There was something familiar about these animals, but he had never seen them before. He didn't even know why they were familiar; he just knew that they were. Well, if they were familiar then they must have met at some point and, since none of them were attacking him, they must be alright.

James, Sirius, and Peter were still tense, but they did relax a bit after seeing that Moony wasn't going to attack them. Moony turned his back on them and padded over to the wall. He stared at it and something in him changed. He was no longer interested in finding out why these animals were familiar. He wanted out, he wanted food. He lunged at the wall, clawing at it, trying to get to out. He backed up, sat down, and slashed at his leg, whimpering softly before lapping up the blood.

James was the first one to react. He ran over to Moony and hit him with his antlers, sending him sprawling across the floor. Moony growled, got up, and padded towards James. Sirius ran over and grabbed his tail in his teeth. Moony spun around, sending Sirius tumbling onto the ground. Peter ran to him and began scratching his hind feet, jumping off before Moony could attack him.

They continued to do this for a little bit, each of them distracting Moony so he couldn't attack himself. After awhile, Moony growled and padded away, lying down in the corner. He sighed, lifted his head up, and howled. There was something different about this howl though. Sirius's eyes widened as he realized what it was. This howl didn't sound like it was filled with pain, it sounded sad, depressed, like a child who-

-couldn't play anymore. That was it. Moony just wanted to play with them. He wanted to be the ones to tag them, to catch them, but they weren't letting him. Sirius walked over to him, shooting his friends a look that quite clearly said "Stay where you are". He stopped behind Moony and pounced on his tail. When Moony spun around to glare at him, Sirius just barked and wagged his tail before bounding to the other side of the room.

Moony raced after him and pounced, knocking the wind out of Sirius, but not doing too much damage otherwise. He then got up and raced across the room. James, who had caught on by this point got to Moony first and tagged him, before retreating to a safe distance. Moony however, was too fast and "tagged" him back, before jumping as a rat landed on his back, having jumped from one of the stairs.

They continued playing for the rest of the night, even after James, Sirius, and Peter were completely exhausted. The three of them knew that if they stopped, if Moony was no longer distracted, he would attack himself. They knew when the moon was about to set because Moony suddenly sat down on the floor, completely out of energy. He lifted his head and howled again, but this time it wasn't sad, or full of pain. The closet word to describe it would be happy, but even that was off. It was more of a bittersweet thing, like Remus was poking through and howling because it was nearly moonset, but also like the wolf was howling because his time was up.

Sirius sat down next to him and howled as well, expressing his relief that none of them were injured, other than Remus' scratch on his leg and that this was all going to be over in a few minutes.

When the wolf froze and began shaking, the three of them were torn between wanting to look away and being unable to tear their eyes from the sight. In what seemed like both an eternity and a second, their friend was lying on the ground in front of them.

They rushed over to him, but he didn't seem to notice them. "Remus? Remus!" James said, shaking his friend.

It was a few moments before Remus responded. "Sorry." He said softly, his voice hoarse. "I'm usually out of it for a few minutes after the transformation." He slowly stood up, walked over to a cabinet set in the wall, and retrieved his clothes and wand. It was only then that he noticed the wound on his leg.

"Sorry about that Moony." Sirius said. "It was in the beginning, before we really knew what you were doing…"

Remus shook his head and quickly muttered a charm to help it heal. "Don't apologize." He said, pulling on his clothes. "You guys… I don't know how to describe. Usually I block out the memories of the full moons. They're usually filled with pain and darkness… and blood. This one was… it just wasn't. The wolf was playing with a pack last night, he howled with his pack. It was the best full moon I've had since I was bitten."

"Well, there's going to be a lot more full moons like this Remus." Peter said. "Don't worry, we aren't going to leave you."

Remus just smiled and said, "You guys need to go back to the castle, before Madam Pomfrey comes to get me. I'll probably see later this afternoon."

For the first time since finding out that their friend was a werewolf, the Marauders were actually happy after a full moon. They didn't stop their friend's painful transformation, but they stopped him from hurting himself while he was a wolf. As Sirius collapsed on his bed and tried to get some sleep, extremely happy that it was a Saturday, he couldn't wait for the next full moon, when Moony would howl with his pack, instead of by himself.


	3. Howl at the Moon

**Disclaimer: If I owned it, the Marauders, minus Peter, would still be alive. Since they aren't, I think it's safe to say that I do not own anything here.**

**AN: Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter up. I had originally written it on my laptop, but then my hard drive got fried and I lost it. Then I just never got a chance to go back on this computer and I didn't know how to end it, so it's been on hold for a little while. Hopefully everything will get finished sooner though, especially since I have the next few chapters already written. **

Remus always felt nervous and scared before the full moon. It wasn't the transformation that made him feel this way; he had almost gotten used to the pain at this point. No, he was afraid that he would somehow attack someone, a fear that was only increased since his friends were spending the full moons with him as Animagi.

He was eternally grateful for what they had done. He didn't hurt himself as much anymore and he didn't completely loose his mind to the wolf. He was still scared of hurting one of them though. However, since none of they had only gotten minor cuts and bruises, they continued to stay with him. That didn't mean that he wasn't afraid of killing one of them by accident though.

"Hey Remus, can we come in?" Sirius' voice interrupted his thoughts. This was one thing that Remus insisted on, that they wouldn't come down until after Madam Pomfrey had left and that they would check to make sure that he hadn't transformed yet. He wanted his friends to know if they would be facing their friend or the wolf when they opened the door.

"Yeah, we have a little bit of time until the moon rises," Remus answered, though he was slightly tempted to not allow them to come in, just so they wouldn't risk getting hurt. He quickly squashed that idea though; he was selfish enough to want them to come, just so he wouldn't hurt himself.

The door was flung open and his three friends rushed in. They settled in their usual places around Remus. Peter hung in the back so that, when he transformed, he wouldn't accidentally get stepped on. Sirius was right next to Remus, knowing that the wolf would react better to seeing his canine fried first. James was on Sirius' left and slightly behind him, ready to help in case things got out of hand.

"You know, I think we should leave the Shack tonight," Sirius remarked, as casual as if he had made a comment about the weather.

"No! How many times do I have to tell you, we are not leaving the Shack!" Remus practically shouted. They had already had this conversation many times but his friends just didn't seem to get it. "What if I get away from you and attack someone?"

"Moony, we wouldn't let you run off!" James said. "Besides, the wolf hates being trapped in here; that's part of the reason why you scratch yourself."

Remus shook his head. "We are not leaving the Shack," he said. "Besides, I can tell this will be a bad moon. I'll probably tire myself out quickly and sleep through most of it."

"Or you'll be uncontrollable and hurt yourself more than usual." Sirius muttered.

Remus' reply was cut off by the start of his transformation. He hunched over, bracing himself against the waves of pain that shot through his body. "Change," he ground out, fighting the transformation until they did, ignoring the pain in his body. When he saw that all of them were now animals he stopped fighting it and let the wolf take over.

They had developed a routine during the full moons. First, Moony would have to reestablish the fact that they were friends, something which involved some sniffing, growling, and, finally, acceptance. The more full moons they spent together, the shorter this process was. After they went through with this, they usually ended up playing tag until Moony was too tired to play anymore, which usually didn't happen until about half an hour before the moon set.

The moment the transformation was done, however, the rest of the Marauders knew that it was going to be a long, hard night. Moony completely ignored them, choosing instead to start clawing at his leg. Sirius growled softly and began walking towards him. Moony turned and snarled at him before returning to licking up his blood. Sirius ignored his warning and took another step closer. Moony turned again and slashed at him. Sirius yelped as the werewolf's claws grazed his skin and he backed up quickly.

James walked forward next, but he hadn't even gotten close enough to do anything when Moony snarled at him as well. He ignored it like Sirius and took another step towards his friend. Moony snarled again and reached out to slash him but James, prepared for what may happen, managed to jump back before the claws reached him.

Moony ignored them again, but instead of clawing himself he ran at the door and walls, attempting to break them down. His friends watched as he continued to claw at the Shack, unable to do anything without getting seriously injured- or worse.

_Well, if he wants to get out,_ Sirius thought, walking slowly towards the door,_ maybe we should just let him out._ When Moony had run off to another side of the room, Sirius saw his opportunity. It took him a few tries to get it open, but eventually the door swung out into the tunnel. Sirius barked happily and bounded out towards the Whomping Willow.

He had made it barely halfway down the tunnel when Moony overtook him. Howling with pure joy, he bounded out the end of the tunnel- only to get hit by the branches. Whimpering, he retreated to the safety of the tunnel and looked sadly out at the grounds of the castle.

Sirius padded up behind him, with James not far behind him, carrying Peter on his antlers. He poked the knot on the tree with his nose and the branches froze. He ran out of the tunnel, glad to be out of the Shack and free to run around. James walked out of the tunnel after him and Moony followed quickly, looking hesitantly at the branches, as if expecting them to attack.

Moony could smell humans and he began to run off in the direction of Hogsmeade, only to find his path blocked by Sirius. He growled at him but he was no longer in the mood to fight. He simply turned towards the castle, only to come face to face with a set of antlers. Slowly, by a combination of blocking his path and pushing, Sirius and James managed to get Moony into the Forbidden Forest.

Once they were far enough into the forest, Sirius barked happily and darted at Moony, who avoided him and ran off through the trees, suddenly in the mood to play. They friends spent the night playing, though it was a bit more rough than usual. Moony kept stopping their game to lift his head back and howl at the moon, and Sirius, unable to resist, howled along with him.

When the moon was almost ready to set, Sirius and James managed to coax Moony back into the tunnel, though he was so exhausted it wasn't that difficult.

After his transformation, Remus sat up and looked at his friends. "What did you do?" He asked them, his voice slightly hoarse.

James put on an innocent face. "What are you talking about?" He asked. "We didn't do anything!"

Remus frowned. "I can remember trees and moonlight and let me tell you, that is not something I have ever remembered after a transformation! Tell me you didn't let me out?" He tried to stand up, but collapsed as his injured leg gave out.

Sirius knelt down next to his friend. "You went crazy." He said, motioning to the new scratches on the door and walls, and to the long gashes on his legs. "You completely ignored us and just wanted to get out, so I thought maybe it was just better to let you out. James and I kept you under control and we spent the night in the Forest. You didn't even get close to anyone and none of us are hurt."

Remus sighed. "I know, I know; I would remember if I had hurt anyone." He shook his head. "It's just… You guys finally let the wolf run free. I can understand why you did it, and judging by the damage done to this room, I can even thank you, but now the full moon's are just going to be worse. The wolf is going to be driven crazy just because of this one night."

James laughed. "You didn't actually think that we'd let you stay in here? Last night was the best full moon ever!"

"You mean… you're going to let me out again?" Remus looked at his friends with a look that was half hopeful and half apprehensive.

"Well, unless you would prefer if we didn't, but honestly, I don't understand what the big deal is. You didn't hurt anyone and you didn't get away from us. Everything was fine."

Remus wanted to just yell at them, "It is a big deal! I could've escaped, I could've killed someone! You can't let me out again!" but he realized that the memories of the moonlight were too strong.

"Thank you." He said instead. "Thank you so much."


	4. Howl with Me

**A/N: I don't own any of the characters, sadly.**

Sirius couldn't believe it. In a few short hours he would make his way down to the Great Hall for the last time. Then he would pack up his trunk the next day, board the train for the last time, and wave goodbye to Hogwarts forever. Right now, however, he was simply enjoying time with his friends. Or rather, enjoying time with his friend, since James and Peter hadn't joined him and Remus yet.

"I can't believe our last full moon at Hogwarts was last week." Remus said, staring at the Whomping Willow. "Our last time to escape the Shrieking Shack and wander around Hogsmeade, Hogwarts, and the Forbidden Forest."

"Yeah, but not our last full moon." Sirius said. "Face it, you're still stuck with us. We're going to have to find a new forest for the wolf to play in, but that's no problem."

Remus grinned. "It's still hard to believe that I won't have to change in the Shack anymore. I spent the last seven years transforming in that house."

"Not to mention completely tearing it apart." Sirius added. "Honestly though, do you think anyone's going to miss the "violent spirits"?"

Remus laughed. "I know I won't." He said. "I tore myself up in that place too many times for me to be sad to leave it behind."

"Hey guys!" James said as he and Peter ran over to them. "Sorry we're late, we ran into a bit of trouble with Snivellus."

"He's something else I am not going to miss." Remus remarked idly. "How bad did you jinx him this time?"

Peter pointed across the lawn at Snape, who seemed to be under the leg-locking jinx and one that was making him dance. The result was him falling over a lot and twitching while on the ground. The Marauders laughed at the sight. "Where did you put his wand?" Sirius managed to gasp out.

James pointed to a small speck hovering about thirty feet away from Snape. "If he gets within ten feet of it it'll move farther away." James chuckled. "It'll be awhile before he gets out of this one."

XXXXX

The Gryffindors had an end of the year party following the feast. It didn't take long for Sirius to realize that Remus wasn't there with everyone else. So Sirius slipped away from the party and went up to their dormitory. When he opened the door the first thing he realized was that there was an odd tapping sound on the roof. The second thing he noticed was that Remus wasn't there, but a window was open. It didn't take long for Sirius to put two and two together and within a minute of entering the room he left it, this time through the window.

"I wouldn't climb up if I were you." Remus' voice drifted down from the roof. Sirius ignored the subtle hint about his safety and lack of climbing ability and scrambled up anyway.

Remus was lying on the roof, his feet tapping a random pattern on it "It was too loud and crowded in the Common Room and I am not going back to the party." He said.

Sirius settled down next to his friend. "Then I'll stay out here."

"Sirius!" Remus rolled his eyes, but didn't sound too annoyed. They sat there on the roof in silence for a few minutes before Remus spoke up again. "Sirius, will you howl at the moon for me when I'm gone?" He asked softly.

Sirius turned and stared at him friend. "Has the thought of leaving Hogwarts made you morbid or something?" He asked. "You aren't going to be dying anytime soon."

"How do you know that?" Remus asked. "When I leave Hogwarts I'm going to need to get a house and a job. If anyone were to see the room I would have to have for transforming in or if someone where I work found out I was a werewolf I would have to move or risk having people trying to "get rid of me". Keeping a job will be hard, since I'll be missing a few days every month, besides the fact that no one will want to hire a werewolf if they knew I was one. I'll spend my entire life poor, always wondering if I will be able to have a place to live and enough to eat."

Sirius didn't know what to say. He had never heard Remus talk that way. He sounded bitter and tired, but there was something more than that. He sounded weary and old, older than any seventeen year old should ever have to sound.

"If I don't have a house then I won't have a safe place to transform." Remus continued. "I could easily attack someone and then either be execu-"

"No!" Sirius said. He grabbed his friend's shoulders. "That will not happen! Your friends will be there for you Remus, we won't let that happen. Besides," he continued, a grin slowly spreading across his face. "I'm the reckless one; I'll probably do some stupid stunt and break my neck. So I'll make you a deal. I'll howl for you on the off chance you kick the bucket first, but you howl for me when I die before you. Deal?"

Remus grinned. "Deal." He said, shaking Sirius' hand to seal it. "You know, the next time we howl at the moon we won't be here."

"What are you talking about?" Sirius said. "We could easily howl at it now if we wanted to." As if to prove his point Sirius raised his heard towards the moon and began to howl, ignoring Remus, who had started to chuckle. "I'll change to Padfoot if you don't want to have to listen to my horrible human-howling." He offered.

Remus shook his head. "Your howling is fine Sirius." He sighed, but couldn't suppress a small smile.

"Then come on Moony." Sirius draped his arm around Remus' shoulders. "Howl with me." He began howling again and, after only a second's pause, Moony joined as well. Their howls echoed in the night, reverberating off the towers and walls.

"Don't you guys have anything better to do?" Remus and Sirius stopped howling and leaned over the edge of the roof. James had stuck his head out of the window and was glaring at them. "It's not like you don't do that enough at the full moon."

Sirius and Remus started chuckling at the last statement, but the sad thing was, it was true. Whenever they ran around during the full moon, Moony would start howling and Sirius, being the only other one in their group that could howl, would always join him.

"Oh come on Prongs, don't you like our howling?" Sirius asked. He threw his head back and proceeded to howl in a loud, exaggerated way. "Arooooooo!"

James shook his head. "Canines." He mumbled as he pulled his head back inside their dormitory.

Sirius and Remus went from chuckling to laughing hysterically. It was awhile before either of them had calmed down enough to form a coherent sentence.

"Shall we rejoin our fellow Gryffindors and grace them with our presence?" Sirius said with mock, well, seriousness.

Remus snorted. "Well, I'm not sure if either of us is quite capable of "gracing people with our presence", but we might as well go in."

Though by that point it had been a little while since they had made their deal, neither of them would forget it. Both of them would howl separately at the moon, and both would have someone howl for them.

And both of them would howl together once more.


	5. Howl for Them

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. **

**A/N: Now we get to the angsty chapters. Not sure if they need a tissue warning, but these chapters will definitely be more depressing. Also, sorry it's so short! **

"_Your friends will always be there for you… I'll howl for you… you howl for me…"_

Remus shook his head as he remembered that night. Was Sirius already planning on betraying his friends and killing all of those people as they sat on the roof? Did he know that everything he told him were just lies?

Remus crumpled up the letter from Dumbledore and hurled it across the room, choking back his tears. James and Lily were dead; Sirius had sold them to Voldemort. Peter had gone after Sirius, only to be blown up along with twelve Muggles, in the middle of a street. Now, Sirius was facing a life sentence in Azkaban, a fate that Remus thought was too good for him.

All Remus was left with was a letter describing the events; a letter, not even a visit in person. He had a letter, some items from his school days, and memories, memories of the friends he used to have, but he didn't even want those. He didn't want to think about the people he had lost and he most definitely did not want to think about what Siri- no, not Sirius, _Black, _had done.

Sirius was the reckless boy that kept getting into trouble. Sirius was the teenager that broke the law and became and Animagus for him, the mischievous Gryffindor that would plan pranks and curse Slytherins. Black was the person who didn't care about his "friends". He didn't care that he would kill the people he had lived with for seven years. Black was a traitor, someone who sold the people that cared about him to a Dark Lord, not caring about whoever would be killed, orphaned, or hurt by his actions.

Sirius was gone, left in the past. Black was the one who still lived, imprisoned in Azkaban until he died.

If thinking about James, Lily, and Peter was hard, remembering the last night at Hogwarts where he sat on the roof with Sirius was painful. He couldn't think about that night on the roof, the night where Sirius had fed him lies about the future. No, not everything had been a lie. Sirius was right about one thing; he was gone before Remus. He may not be dead, but he was gone just the same.

"… _howl for me…"_ Those words echoed in his head and, though it hurt to remember that conversation, he had to grin slightly. They would always howl together during the full moon. One of them would just randomly start howling and the other one would just have to join in. It seemed like a fitting tribute to them at the time; one final howl from their friend and fellow canine. Now, however, Sirius didn't deserve any sort of tribute.

"I won't howl for you." Remus said, even though Sirius wasn't there to hear him. "Howl for yourself when the dementors feed, but I won't howl for you. Tonight, I'll howl for the friends I lost, the ones that never betrayed each other. I'll howl for those you killed, the ones you didn't even know. I'll howl for the lives you ended, but I won't howl for you."

When the waxing moon rose in the sky that night, Remus tipped his head back and howled for James, Lily, and Peter. He howled for Harry and he howled for everyone who would miss them. He howled for the twelve Muggles he didn't even know and he howled for their family and friends. He poured his heart and emotions into that howl, letting it echo in the night and slowly fade to nothing.

And when the last note died on the night air, Remus cried for the friends he would never have again.


	6. Howl for You

**Disclaimer: Sadly, none of it is mine. **

**A/N: Well, as promised, here is Sirius' reaction to the events of Halloween '81. It's a bit shorter than Remus' though, so my apologies for that. The next one will be longer.**

Sirius sat in his cell, shaking from a combination of horror, coldness, fear, and anger. He hated peter, that wretched traitor that had sold his friends to Voldemort, killed twelve Muggles, faked his own death, and then blamed it all on Sirius. This thought, this anger, combined with the knowledge that he was innocent was all that was keeping him sane. It wasn't happy, so the dementors couldn't feed off of it, but it did help stop him from going completely crazy.

However, his mind would still wander to happier times and then the dementors would feed. Sirius was constantly forced to relive his worst memories as the happy ones were sucked out of him. He was forced to relive the hellish years he had spent in his parents' house. He had to relive The Prank. He saw James and Lily dead over and over and over…

What was as bad as those memories, if that was even possible, was the knowledge that somewhere Remus was living with the false knowledge that Sirius was guilty. He could survive the dementors feeding; if it got too bad he would just change into Padfoot. He didn't know if Remus could survive thinking that Sirius betrayed his friends. He knew that Remus didn't easily trust people and that he didn't want to get close to anyone; when someone was a werewolf, it was dangerous to make friends. But Remus had had four great friends and Sirius didn't want to think about what the thought of one of them selling the others to Voldemort would do to him.

The one thought that kept coming back to him was when he told Remus, "Your friends will be there for you…" He could still picture that night on the roof, the last time they had howled together at Hogwarts. "I'll howl for you, on the off chance you kick the bucket first, but you howl for me when I die before you." Sirius couldn't even revel in the fact that he had been right; he may not be dead, but he was gone.

Gone was the mischievous boy that would plot against the Slytherins. Gone was the boy that broke the law and became an Animagus. Gone was the boy that had run loose with a werewolf. Sirius didn't know who he was now, but it wasn't any of those people.

"I'll howl for you… you howl for me…" Sirius knew that Remus wasn't going to howl for him, but it didn't matter. If Sirius knew Remus, which he thought he did, then he was pretty sure that Remus would be howling for everyone affected and killed because of Peter except for two people- Sirius and himself. Sirius wouldn't howl for himself; he wouldn't waste his time with self-pity. However he would keep his word to Remus and howl for him. "I'll howl for you Remus, even though you aren't dead." He whispered in a hoarse voice. "I'll howl because no one else will."

Sirius didn't know if he was howling at the moon, it was impossible to tell in Azkaban, but Sirius howled any. He howled for his friend that would spend his life alone and friendless. He howled for his friend that would once again tear himself apart every full moon. As the dementors returned to feed again Sirius became Padfoot and howled for the friend that hated him for crimes he didn't commit, the friend that howled for everyone else, including one who didn't deserve it. He howled most for the friend he missed, the friend he would never talk to, run beside, comfort, or howl with again.

As his howling faded to nothing, Sirius had no way of knowing that miles away someone else was howling for what they had lost as well.


	7. Howl Alone

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. **

**A/N: Wow guys, sorry for the delay. I've been busy working on my NaNoWriMo novel and I've had a lot of school work to do. The next chapter is already written (since it was originally a one shot), but it needs to be revised slightly. I should have it up within a week.**

Sirius flew Buckbeak over the mountains near the edge of Hogsmeade. He was looking for the cave that the Marauders had found during their one of their many adventures around Hogsmeade. Twelve years in Azkaban had dulled his memories, but he was pretty sure that it was slightly ahead on his right.

"There it is, Buckbeak," Sirius whispered. Buckbeak flew down into the cave and walked towards the back. Sirius slid off his back and pet him on his neck. "Thank you," he whispered. "I need you to stay here for a little while. I'll be back later." He wasn't sure if Buckbeak understood him or not, but the hippogriff shook his head up and down, so Sirius took that as a yes. Sirius changed to Padfoot and raced towards the entrance of the cave. He listened intently, trying to see if he could hear Remus.

Remus. He still couldn't believe that he had seen Remus again. All this time in Azkaban he had been worrying about him; how he was doing, whether he had a job, whether he had any friends. He had come to Hogwarts to try to get Peter and, although he had failed in doing so, he still couldn't believe that he had seen Moony again. It was strange because, in a way, it was like the four Marauders were in the Shack again; Remus, Sirius, Peter and then Harry, who looked just like James did at that age.

He shook his head; right now, he needed to focus on finding Moony. He had promised his friend that he would always be there for him and now that he was free he intended to keep that promise, but first he needed to find his friend.

There- was that a howl? It was too far away for him to be sure, but Sirius thought he had heard a werewolf's howl. He ran down the slope, fully intent on at least trying to find Remus. He knew that his chances of finding his friends were very slim, especially since he only had a few hours until the sun would rise and he needed to comb through not only the Hogwarts grounds but the Forbidden Forest as well.

He started out at the Whomping Willow, trying to see if he could pick up Remus's scent. There were the human scents over it, but he did manage to pick it out. He tried tracing it into the forest, but the scent was getting old and he kept losing it.

After Sirius lost the trail for the fifth time, he growled angrily. At the rate he was going, he might as well just wait for the moon to set and listen for Remus' screams as he transformed back. Sirius jumped as he heard the all too familiar sound of Remus starting the transformation back to a human._ I_ _wasn't serious about that!_ Sirius thought at he raced towards the source of the sound.

He skidded into a small clearing in the woods, but didn't slow down until he had reached Remus. He knew from experience that Remus would be nearly oblivious to everything around him during his transformation but that didn't stop him from sitting down next to his friend. Remus was in the early phases of his transformation, the phases where his body was wracked with intense pains, though he hadn't actually started changing back yet. However, it wasn't long until Remus was first howling, and then screaming, with pain as his body reshaped itself into a human shape.

Sirius was used to having Remus be in shock, or possibly unconscious, after his transformation back into a human; with the sheer stress of two changes and of spending the night as a wolf Sirius would have been very surprised if he hadn't been affected at all. But even though Sirius may have missed twelve years worth of full moons, but he knew that Remus shouldn't have been out for as long as he was. He whimpered slightly and began to lick his friend's many wounds, trying to both clean them and encourage his friend to wake up.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity to his worried companion, Remus started to come to. The first thing that he saw when he opened his eyes was something that he hadn't been expecting to see at all- a shaggy mass of black fur. "Sirius?" He said hoarsely. "Is that you?"

Sirius took a step back and changed back into his human form. "Hello Moony," he said. He reached out and enveloped his friend in a hug, being careful not to aggravate his injuries. "It's been awhile, hasn't it?" Remus looked down at the ground and didn't say anything. Although he didn't say it, Sirius knew that he was feeling guilty for thinking that Sirius had committed all of those crimes.

"So what's the plan now?" He said, trying to distract Remus. He didn't want his friend to be feeling guilty, since nothing was his fault.

Remus looked up at him and frowned. "What are you talking about?" He asked.

"Well, in case you haven't noticed you have just spent the night wandering around the Forbidden Forest," Sirius said. "However, unlike during our school years, I can't help you back to the Shack and leave you in the safe hands of Madam Pomfrey, who would come to get you in, oh, about ten minutes. So, how about I get you up to the castle and-"

"No," Remus said. Sirius looked at him in surprise. "You are not going anywhere near the castle."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I'll go up there as Padfoot. No one will recognize me!"

"But I'm sure that Harry and his friends would have tried to tell them about you," Remus said patiently. "If they saw a black dog helping me up the castle, what would they think? I'm sorry Sirius, but I will not allow you to go anywhere near that castle."

"I'm not going to leave you alone, Remus!" Sirius said.

"Sirius, you won't be 'leaving me alone'," Remus told him.

Sirius shook his head. Remus would probably never understand how Sirius felt right not, Sirius wasn't even sure if he understood how he felt, but he had to try to explain it to his friend. "I'm not leaving you alone," Sirius said again. "When I was in Azkaban, all I could think about was what I told you that night on the roof. Do you remember that night Remus?"

Remus nodded; he would never be able to forget that night.

"Well, I told you that your friends would always be there for you. But we weren't," Sirius took a deep, shuddery breath before continuing. "I couldn't think of you a lot; the dementors would always suck those memories out of me. Even after they left, whenever I thought about you there was just this feeling I had, like I had abandoned you. When I got out I swore that I would never leave you alone again." He tried to grin, but it came out weak and forced. "So, I'll bring you back up to the school. Then, next month I'll meet you… somewhere, we'll have to work that out, and I can be there for you when you transform. How does that sound?"

Sirius looked about ready to break down. Remus wasn't sure if he could destroy his friend's plans, but he couldn't let Sirius go through with that. "Sirius, just listen to me," Remus said. "I know that you're innocent. But how do you think I would feel if you were captured while trying to help me?"

"But it wouldn't be your fault…" Sirius began, but Remus cut it off.

"No, it wouldn't, but how do you think I would feel?" He asked. "I would be blaming myself for whatever would happen to you- which, if I remember correctly, is the Kiss." Sirius's face paled at the thought of having that happen, but Remus continued before he could say anything. "Believe me when I tell you that I would rather howl alone for the rest of my life than see that happen to you."

Sirius just nodded. He knew that Remus was right and, although he would never admit it, he was terrified at the thought of getting the Kiss, but it still felt like he was abandoning his friend. He opened his mouth to make some reply, though he wasn't entirely sure what he would say, when he heard someone talking.

Remus's face was suddenly serious and alert; Sirius knew that his friend had heard the voice too. "That's Dumbledore," Remus whispered as he listened intently to the voice. "But I don't know if anyone else is with him." He looked over at Sirius, a worried look on his face. "Sirius, you have to go! Now, before he sees you!"

Sirius hesitated; he didn't want to leave his friend, not now after twelve years without seeing him. "Sirius, what are you doing?" Remus was definitely starting to sound panicky now. "Go!"

"I will howl with you again, Remus," Sirius told him quietly. "I promise." He quickly changed into Padfoot and, with one last look at Remus, turned and headed back towards Hogsmeade. Remus watched him run away and couldn't help but sigh. He knew that it was better this way, but Sirius hadn't even been gone for a minute and he was already missing him.

"Ah, there you are Remus," Dumbledore said as he walked into the clearing. "Let's get you up the castle; we can discuss what happened there." He held out a pile of clothes to Remus, who took them and put them on, feeling horribly embarrassed at being caught in this position. It was one thing for Sirius to see him after the full moon, but the headmaster of Hogwarts was completely different.

Remus tried to stand up, but his legs wouldn't support him. Dumbledore smiled at him and helped him up, allowing Remus to lean on him for support. Slowly the two of them made their way out of the Forbidden Forest. They had just gotten out of the forest when they heard a semi-soft howl. Remus jumped slightly when he heard it and looked around for the source. There, sitting on the top of a hill ahead of them and near the edge of the forest, was a large, shaggy black dog.

"Padfoot," Remus whispered, forgetting for a moment that no one was supposed to know where Sirius was. He closed his eyes and listened to his friend's howl for a moment. He hadn't heard that sound for twelve years, but it was exactly the same as it had been before. Remus just wanted to howl along with him, but then he remembered where he was- and who he was with. His eyes snapped open and he looked over at Dumbledore.

To his surprise, the headmaster was smiling. "It almost seems like that stray is waiting for a response, doesn't it?" The twinkle in his eyes was the only hint that he knew what was really going on.

The headmaster pretended to be suddenly interested in the forest behind them as Remus tilted his head back and let out a howl of his own. He was surprised and saddened when Sirius didn't howl along with him. _I guess I will be howling alone for awhile, _he thought sadly. His howl faltered for a moment at the thought, but when he heard Sirius start echoing his howl, he grinned. Finally, though neither wanted to stop, the two friends let their howls die out. The Hogwarts grounds were silent for a few seconds, before Sirius barked once, as if to remind Remus of his promise, and disappeared over the hill.


	8. Howl Together

**Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. If they were, they wouldn't be dead. **

**A/N: So, I expected to just edit this chapter, since I wrote it over the summer. Originally it was a one shot I posted here. But I could not find it on my desktop computer. No matter it was probably in my documents manager here on FFN. It wasn't there either. Then I realized where it was- it had been stupidly deleted from my email. So I, finding myself without a copy of it, had to rewrite it. Alas, I couldn't remember exactly how I wrote it, but I have done my best.**

While none of the full moons were particularly pleasant for Remus, he knew that this one was going to be worse than usual. When he woke up that morning he was tired, achy, and just generally felt horrible. He somehow managed to stumble out of bed and, after about twenty or so minutes, was curled up on the couch with a cup of tea and a copy of the Daily Prophet, fully intent on spending the rest of the day there.

For the most part Remus did just that. He did get up to get soup, tea- things like that. He was a couple of chapters into a new book that Dumbledore had lent him, having already finished reading the Daily Prophet, when he heard a noise outside. At first he ignored it; after all, it was a windy day, something was probably just being blown around. Besides, he really didn't want to get up.

Yet the noise didn't stop. Remus frowned and lowered his book, listening carefully. It sounded almost like something was scratching at the door? And- was that a bark? Remus sighed but, as much as he hated to, got up and shuffled out towards the door. He opened the door and saw a very familiar shaggy, black dog sitting outside.

"Sirius?" He asked. The dog barked and walked past Remus into the house. Remus chuckled; it was Sirius alright.

He found his friend sitting at the end of his couch in human form. "Hello Remus," he said, his voice slightly hoarse.

"Sirius, what are you doing here?" Remus asked. "If anyone were to see you-"

"Remus, he's back," Sirius interrupted.

Remus frowned. "Who's back?" A dark look crossed his face. "It's not that traitorous rat, is it? If it is I'll hunt him down-"

"It's not Wormtail," Sirius assured him. A slightly amused looked flickered across his face before being replaced by one of complete seriousness. "It's his master."

Remus's face paled. "You don't mean…"

Sirius nodded. "Voldemort is back." Without waiting for a response from Remus he began to explain the events of the past year, starting with the disappearance of Bertha Jorkins and ending with the events of the third task.

"I knew about Bertha Jorkins going missing, Mad Eye coming out of retirement, and most of the things about the tournament," Remus said softly. "But I didn't know that they were connected. And even if I did I don't think I would have thought of Voldemort." Remus took a deep breath and looked up at his friend. "So what's the plan?" he asked.

"Dumbledore told me to alert the old crowd," Sirius explained. "I was actually supposed to do that before coming here, but then I remembered that tonight was the full moon." Although he didn't mention it, they were both reminded of the promise he had made to Remus a year ago.

"I'm glad you came here first," Remus admitted. "The full moons are certainly better when Padfoot is around. And after that I can help you tell the others about this. Some of them are bound to have doubts about trusting you."

"Thanks," Sirius said gratefully. "I was actually worried about how some of them were going to react."

"Well I wouldn't blame them, looking the way you do," Remus teased.

Sirius let out a short bark of laughter. "I guess I don't really look like one of the good guys, do I?"

Remus grinned apologetically. "Not really," he admitted. "I can make us food while you wash up, if you want."

"That would be great," Sirius said. "Thanks."

XXXXX

The two friends spent the rest of the day talking and joking with each other. Sirius spent quite awhile talking about how Harry was doing. Remus could see that his friend cared for his godson a lot and he was happy that they had each other.

As much as Remus and Sirius tried to ignore it, the sun slowly started to set and they knew that the moon would be rising soon. Finally, when they could no longer ignore it, Sirius brought up the topic of the impending full moon. "So, what's the plan for the full moon?" He asked casually.

"Well Severus was unable to bring me my potion today so I'll be in a small room I converted for this purpose," he explained.

"You mean we'll be in the room," Sirius corrected. "I'm staying with you." He frowned and asked, "What potion was Snivellus supposed to bring?"

"The Wolfsbane Potion," Remus said. "If I take it in the week leading up to the full moon I'll keep my mind when I transform."

"Remus, that's great!" Sirius was grinning. "I can't believe they've finally made progress while I've been in Azkaban!"

Remus smiled, though it was a bit strained. "Too bad it doesn't do anything for the pain." He stood up, walked over to the window, and just stared out. Finally, after a couple of minutes, he spoke. "We should get ready," he said.

The two of them walked into the small room without speaking. Remus muttered a spell that sealed the door before placing his wand in a cupboard high up on the wall. He then removed his clothes, folded them, and placed them in the cupboard next to his wand.

Sirius watched as he did all of this and sat down in a corner, his knees drawn up to his chest, his arms wrapped around them. Sirius was instantly reminded of the many nights in the Shrieking Shack where they would find Remus in this position, waiting for the moon to rise. However, Sirius had to admit that the Shack had been a much better place than this room. It was about the size of a small bathroom with a cement floor and walls. The only source of light was a small window set high up in the wall.

Remus looked up at his friend and grinned slightly, though Sirius could never understand how he could even force a grin before the full moon. "It's not quite like the Shrieking Shack," Remus admitted, voicing exactly what Sirius had been thinking moments before. "But it works well enough."

Before Sirius could answer Remus tensed, his head turning slightly to look at the window, though whether it was a voluntary action or not neither of them knew. Remus started to shake. "Change," He ground out, his teeth clenched together as a wave of pain washed over his body. Sirius quickly complied and walked over to his friend, trying to offer as much comfort as he could, though that did little to help Remus. He may have gone thirteen years without watching the transformation, but the only thing that had changed during that time was how long it was before his friend was screaming.

After the transformation was finished the wolf snapped his head up to stare at Sirius. Despite the fact that this was his friend and pack mate, Sirius couldn't suppress a small shiver of fear. The golden eyes that were bearing into his held no recognition of him. Apparently thirteen years spent without a pack were enough to dull the memories the wolf would have had of him. When Moony began slowly padding towards him, Sirius unconsciously took a step back, only to realize that he was up against the door.

He snarled as Moony took another step towards him and, surprisingly, the wolf did stop, but only for a moment. Moony quickly darted forward and nipped at Sirius, before darting away, his tail wagging as he looked expectantly at his friend. Sirius grinned and ran forward to 'tag' Moony and the cycle started over again. The two friends spent the night darting around the small room, either playing tag or play-wrestling, as if nothing had changed during the last thirteen years. And, for the first time since Halloween '81, the wolf and the dog howled together at the moon.


	9. Howl with Joy

**Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine.**

**A/N: So, I thought I would get this written sooner, especially since my new beta has a habit of taking awhile to beta my chapters. -glares at sister- So, here you are, with another chapter that's actually posted in a reasonable amount of time. Hopefully that'll make up for the fact that it's horribly short. **

Sirius skidded around the corner, wrenched open a door in the corner of the kitchen, and raced down the last set of stairs. One of the many pantries in cellar had been changed into a room where Remus could spend the full moon. He was about to spend his first full moon in there and Sirius had promised to spend it with him, especially since Snape had, once again, been unable to deliver the Wolfsbane Potion everyday, though Sirius would have spent it with his friend anyway. However, Sirius was running more than a little bit late, since there had been some problems with Buckbeak and Kreacher that had kept him busy for longer than he had originally thought.

It took Sirius a moment to remember exactly where Remus's new full moon room was but he finally found the right one. His look of glee was replaced by one of horror when he saw Mrs. Weasley magically sealing up the door, the door that, once sealed, would remain closed until it was magically opened again. She also placed a soundproofing spell on it, so no one in the house could hear Remus.

"Open the door," Sirius told Molly. It wasn't a request, it was an order. A demand.

"No," Molly said.

Sirius stared at her. "What?" He asked. "Do you realize what day it is? Do you realize what is about to happen?"

"Yes, I do," Molly replied. "And that's why I will not open the door."

"Molly, what the hell are you talking about?" Sirius was getting desperate. He didn't know what time it was, but he knew that the moon would be rising soon. He needed to be in that room before that happened; he needed to be in there with his friend.

"I'm talking about the fact that it's only a matter of time before Remus transforms!" She said loudly. "I am not opening that door when there is even the slightest chance of a werewolf escaping."

"That werewolf is my FRIEND!" Sirius yelled. "He is my friend and I promised I would be there for him tonight! You have no idea what he's going through, he's going to tear himself apart tonight unless you let me in there!"

Molly hesitated for a moment before answering. "I'm sorry Sirius, but I can't do that."

Sirius took a deep breath and tried to get his temper under control. "Then at least remove the soundproofing spell," he said in a softer voice than he had been using. "So we can find out if he's even transformed yet. If he hasn't, then you would have enough time to let me in and seal it back up." Truth be told, Sirius knew that by now Remus would have at least started the transformation, but he was hoping that the sound of his friend going through that would be enough to convince Molly to open up the door.

When Molly hesitated again, Sirius rolled his eyes. "He's not going to dash out if you just remove the soundproofing spell," he told her, causing Molly to blush slightly, as if that was what she had been thinking. She did, however, remove the soundproofing spell from the door, though it seemed like she was a bit reluctant to do it.

As soon as the spell was removed, a loud scream echoed through the hall. Molly went pale and took an involuntary step back from the door. Sirius, on the other hand, launched himself at the door, as if he could pry it open with his hands, even though it was sealed shut. "Remus!" He yelled. "REMUS!" He whipped around to face a petrified Molly. "Open. The. Door." His voice was soft, but dangerously so.

"I… I…." Molly stuttered. Suddenly, they heard a click as the door was magically unlocked. As Sirius turned around to stare at the door he could have sworn that he saw a glimpse of bushy, brown hair.

"Molly, once I'm inside, seal the door again," Sirius told her. He changed into a dog and opened the door with his paw. He darted quickly inside the room and ran over to Remus as Molly resealed the door behind him.

His friend was in the middle of his transformation when he ran over to him. He curled up around his friend and whimpered softly, as if trying to apologize for being so late. He could have sworn that a look of happiness and gratitude passed over his friend's face, but he could have been imagining that, since it was replaced a minute later by one of pain as the transformation continued.

Finally, the transformation was over, but the night of the full moon was only beginning. Sirius didn't know whether it the fact that this was the second full moon in a row that he was spending with Remus or whether it was because he had been using the Wolfsbane Potion before, but Remus seemed to remember him that night. Their games, while still rather rough, were a bit calmer than usual. His howls were less desperate and just happier, as if he was content to howl with his friend and packmate again.

Moony's howls held a note of joy, a note that was purely Remus, at least, in Sirius' mind they did. The howls seemed to speak to him, almost as if they were saying Thank you for making it. Of course, the wolf's howls weren't the only ones echoing throughout the room that night. After all, when a wolf is howling with joy, who can resist joining in?


	10. Howl for Him

**Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine.**

**A/N: This chapter was so hard for me to write. I was nearly in tears the entire time, but it had to be written. So, there is a tissue warning on this chapter! Also, only two more chapters after this, just so you know.**

Remus didn't know what to do. He had never expected to have to go through this again, not even in his worst nightmare. The pain was worse than a thousand transformations. He had expected to feel hollow, numb even, but he had never expected to feel this sort of pain and torment. It ran deep, penetrating his entire body until it felt like every fiber of his body was pulsing with the same message. _He's dead… he's dead…_

Remus didn't know how he ended up at Grimmauld Place. Truth be told, it was the last place he had wanted to go. Everything in that damned house reminded him of Sirius. He could see his friend sitting at the kitchen table, lying in front of the fire as a dog. He could remember all of the full moons they had spent in the cellar and god, it hurt to think of them.

He wandered up the stairs, not really paying attention to where he was going until he found himself pushing open the door to Sirius's room. The walls were covered with Gryffindor memorabilia, pictures of motorcycles, and posters of Muggle women. Remus had to grin when he saw it; it was definitely Sirius's room. He sat down on the bed, the bed that still held the faint dog-like smell of his friend. Remus could hear the rest of the Order arriving at the house and he listened to their voices, but the absence of one voice was painfully obvious. Tears ran down his cheeks as his heart finally came to terms with what his mind already knew.

He was dead.

Sirius Black was dead.

His best friend, the one who became an Animagus for him, pulled pranks on Slytherins with him, spent twelve years in Azkaban and spent full moons with him was dead, killed by his own cousin.

They would never laugh about their Hogwarts days again. He would never see Harry grow up, never yell at Kreacher again. He would never turn into Padfoot again, never chase cats, never spend full moons with him. They would never play tag or wrestle or-

Or howl.

Remus choked up as he remembered his promise. _…__you howl for me when I die…_ Sirius's words seemed to echo in the room, as if Sirius himself was standing at the doorway saying them.

"I can't," Remus said softly. He furiously wiped the tears off of his face. "I'm so sorry Sirius, I can't."

_And why not? _Remus could picture his friend leaning against the doorframe and saying the words. _You did promise you know._

"Because if I do that'll mean you're dead!" Remus said.

_I am dead though._ Sirius's voice said, a small hint of amusement in it. _Otherwise I would be here in person telling you this and not just a voice in your head. Though if I wasn't dead I wouldn't have to tell you this._

Remus smiled a bit at that, though a few more tears dripped down his face as he would never hear his friend's quirky logic again. "There's just so much you'll never get to do," he whispered. "You won't even be remembered! Sure, they'll clear your name, but what do will that do? You'll be dead! You spent twelve years in Azkaban and they'll only remember you after you've died!"

_Well, our Ministry is bizarre like that, but honestly, you can't keep living in the past and you can't think of what I'll never do. _Sirius's voice said calmly. _You need to look to the future. You have Tonks to think of, and Harry, and killing the bastards that killed your friends. So just howl for me already and get it over with._

Remus glanced out the window and could see the moon just starting to rise over the tops of the buildings. In less than a week, Sirius would have been howling at the full moon with him. Now, he had to howl at the waning moon by himself, but he still couldn't bring himself to do it.

When Sirius had been sent to Azkaban he had felt betrayed. It had hurt like hell, but he had gotten over it. It had taken time, oh yes, it had taken a long time, but he had gotten over it. He had never thought he would have to go through it again though, but now he was and god, it hurt more than it had the first time. _Probably because you had gotten him back, only to have him snatched away again,_ the logical part of him said. _You had gotten used to always having him around and, even when he was moody and unbearable, he was still there. _

"Now he's gone," Remus whispered.

He glanced out the window again and realized that he couldn't put it off any longer. He walked over to the window and took a deep breath. His heart was pounding because, though he had done this a million times before, this time was different than the rest. This time his howl wouldn't be joyful or hopeful, but it would be full of sadness and pain. Yet he knew that it was something that he had to do.

He took a deep breath, then another, and another. He was putting it off still, he knew he was. He didn't want to have to do this, even though he knew that he had to. He took one last deep breath and, before he could think about what he was doing, he started to howl.

Remus always put his emotions into his howls. He didn't know if it was a wolf thing or because he felt the need to have some sort of feeling in them, but you could always tell how he felt when he howled. This time, however, he wished that it wasn't like that. Just listening to himself howl hurt. He sounded sad and depressed, yes, but there were so many more emotions in it than just that. There was anger, frustration, desperation and pain.

He lost himself in that howl, almost becoming a part of it, as he mourned the loss of his friend. He tried to lose himself in it, trying desperately to escape the reality of the situation. It would have worked too, except there was the sound of a plate crashing downstairs, which jolted him out of his stupor.

All of the thoughts he had tried to suppress came rushing back. The force of it left him numb, unable to think, unable to feel. Remus stumbled back and sank down onto Sirius's bed once more. He didn't want this feeling, or lack thereof, to end. He didn't want the pain to come back. He just sat there, unmoving and unfeeling, completely silent as he tried to forget his friend.

Downstairs, it was equally silent. No one moved, no one spoke. They had returned to what seemed like an empty house, though they all knew that Remus was most likely hiding away upstairs. They had left him alone, since they were dealing with their own grief, though it wasn't anywhere near as painful as Remus's. They had busied themselves with various chores and started various pointless conversations, trying to forget what had happened.

Then, the howling had begun.

When it first had first started no one really knew what it was. Then it hit them: Remus. The room fell silent as everyone listened to him mourn the loss of his friend. When Tonks took a step back and knocked a plate over, it stopped abruptly and the howling stopped. The only sound in the house was Buckbeak, the only one who didn't know that Sirius was dead yet. Everyone else was too shocked, too sad to talk at all.


	11. Howl Together Once More

**Disclaimer: If I owned them, I wouldn't even be writing this chapter because they'd still be alive.**

**A/N: This took me awhile to work out, mainly because I wasn't sure how I wanted to write this and I wasn't sure how to portray the afterlife or Remus' lycanthropy (yet it was still one of the first ones I finished). Suggestions for improvement are appreciated, but please don't rant about how my view of either of these things is wrong. I was also going to write the scene where everyone mourns the people who died, but it wasn't coming out right, so that's why this is the last chapter even though I promised you two more. **

When Remus opened his eyes he didn't know where he was. He was in the middle of a large field, surrounded by a forest. It reminded him of a place in the Forbidden Forest that he used to go to with his fellow Marauders, except the trees looked less, well, forbidding. _How did I get here?_ He wondered. He could remember the battle at Hogwarts. He had just finished dueling with a Death Eater when he turned around and-

-Was hit with a killing curse.

"Well, judging by the look of comprehension on your face I'm assuming you know where you are. You figured it out a lot quicker than I did," a voice behind him said. Remus spun around and pointed his wand at the person, who held his hands up and just grinned. "Now, is that anyway to treat your fellow Marauder?"

"Sirius?" Remus knew he should have been expecting this, but it was still a shock to see his friend. He grinned, "You look remarkable well, for a dead person."

Sirius let out a bark of laughter. "Well, so do you Moony," he said. "We were actually worried that you may stay the way you were before, even though we're all younger."

"We?"

"Well really, did you expect to die and not see us again?" A familiar voice said. Remus turned slowly around to look at James, who had his arm around Lily. "And you were supposed to be the smart one," James joked.

Lily walked over to him and gave him a hug. "It's great to see you," she said softly. "I only wish it was under better circumstances."

"Now that's not what you were saying before when he attacked our son," James said as he joined the group. "I'm not sure who was angrier- his mom, his dad, or his godfather."

At the mention of sons, Remus froze. It hit him that he wouldn't be able to be a part of Teddy's life, that he wouldn't be able to hold his wife again. Sure, he was with his friends, but he had left everyone else that he had loved behind.

"Remus, what is it?" Sirius asked.

"Tonks… Teddy…" He choked out, trying hard not to cry.

James walked over to him and put his arm around his friend, not saying anything. He knew how hard it was to die and leave behind your friends, family, and son. Lily looked over Remus' shoulder and smiled. "Remus, look," she said, pointing.

Remus turned around and stared. It was Tonks, glancing around the field with a puzzled look on her face. Her eyes locked with his and comprehension dawned on her face. Remus shrugged James' arm off and ran over to her. She clung to him, as if afraid that if she let go he'd disappear. She was crying, babbling about Teddy and her mother and the others that were still alive.

"It's okay Tonks, it's okay…" He murmured, trying to calm her down.

"Here Tonks, let me show you something…" Lily said, walking over to them. "There's a way you can watch your son. You can't communicate with him, but you can still watch over him. I'm Lily by the way, Lily Potter…" Lily led her away into the forest, leaving the Marauders alone in the field.

"So, what do you guys do around here?" Remus asked, looking around the field.

James laughed. "Whatever we want, really. We eat and sleep out of habit, rather than necessity, so a lot of the time we either check up on things in the world of the living or hang out around here. Things have been more amusing since Padfoot came; we've been pranking each other a lot."

"And now the true Marauders are back together!" Sirius said gleefully. "We're going to have so much fun now!"

XXXXX

Apart from his rather unexpected visit to the "world of the living", as James would say, the afterlife was turning out to be a nice, relaxing place. He had already lost count of the number of times James and Padfoot had attempted to pull pranks on people, either the ones in their group of friends or the visitors they had, including James' and Lily's parents, Remus' parents, and Tonks' dad.

They had thrown their own celebration when Harry defeated Voldemort and quite a few people had shown up for that, including their parents, Fred Weasley, and Colin Creevey, a boy Remus remembered teaching at Hogwarts.

After that things had settled into sort of a routine, if you could even call it that. In the morning everyone would check up on various people. After that, at least one person would be pranked. Other than that, there was no set schedule for the day.

The day after Harry defeated Voldemort, Sirius and Remus had gotten a bit of a shock. Everyone was still depressed about the deaths from the last battle, especially Harry. Hermione had come mentioned something about something Tonks had said, that Sirius and Lupin had had a promise to howl for each other when they were gone. She felt it was a good way to remember everyone and an easier way of expressing grief. Ginny was the first to howl, followed by Harry, Ron and Hermione, Dean, Seamus, and Luna, Bill and Fleur, Mr. and Mrs. Weasely, the teachers, then the rest of the hall.

Remus looked away from the scene and wiped his eyes. Sirius came over and put his arm around his friend. "When we made that promise, I honestly intended to follow through with it," he said. "I didn't when you went to Azkaban, but I did when you died Sirius. I just never thought that anyone would notice."

Sirius just shook his head. "Remus, it's the best way for everyone to grieve. You even said once that sometimes it was easier to express things in a howl, simply because you can pour your soul into it and not worry about words. Besides," he continued, a grin spreading across his face, "I think we may have just started a new tradition."

Remus laughed and gave his friend a playful push. "Don't get your hopes up Padfoot," he said. "After all, why would anyone want to start a tradition involving something you did?"

Sirius growled and tackled his friend, leading into a mock fight, which became a mock duel. James broke it up only after Sirius had purple hair and orange skin and Remus was talking backwards.

"!kcalB, revo t'nsi sihT" He yelled, only to send his friends into fits of laughter. After all, whoever said dead people had to be serious?

XXXXX

There were some times when things were serious though. For instance, Remus couldn't ignore the moon phases or the fact that the full moon was getting closer and closer. He didn't want to believe that he would still be cursed, even in death, but life as a werewolf had taught him not to get his hopes up about anything.

"Don't worry Remus, the full moon is still a week away," James said when he brought the topic up. "No matter what happens, we're here for you Moony." He knew his friends were there for him, but he still couldn't help feeling extremely worried at the thought of spending an eternity of full moons as a werewolf.

The sun was starting to set on the night of the full moon and Remus was sitting in the grass next to Tonks, who was amusing Lily by changing into an identical copy of her. He was also supposed refereeing the mock fight that James and Sirius were having in their Animagus forms. Although neither would intentionally hurt the other, and even if they did they would heal incredibly fast, sometimes they needed to be separated.

Remus, however, wasn't paying attention to any of these things. He was remembering the times they had wandered to the spot very similar to this field during the full moons. His mind was less wolfish during those full moons, and if he closed his eyes he could remember the feeling of running through the field with his friends, chasing them across the grass. He could remember howling happily throughout all of it, even though his paws were cut from the rocks and he was exhausted.

He could remember the feeling of the wind blowing through his fur. He could visualize these things so clearly it was almost like he actually had fur, paws, and a tail. "Remus? Moony?" James asked, his voice sounding extremely worried. "Sirius, it isn't moon rise yet, is it?"

"No, and we would've heard him transform," Sirius said.

Remus frowned, but didn't open his eyes right away. When he did, he yelped as he realized he was colorblind, then yelped again when he realized that he had yelped. He was a wolf, but the moon hadn't risen yet.

"Remus, are you alright?" James repeated. He pulled out his wand, ready to use the spell to bring an Animagus back to their human form. He wasn't sure if it would work, but he was going to try if Remus didn't answer.

Remus nodded and everyone let out a sigh of relief. Suddenly, a large, black dog jumped in front of him, growling playfully. Remus barked and pounced on him and soon, the two of them were involved in a mock fight.

"Okay you two, break it up!" James said, pointing his wand at them.

They separated and Sirius instantly turned back into a human. Remus had to concentrate on it, simply because he wasn't used to it. When he did become a human again, he stood up and asked, "Do I look the same or are there wolf ears sticking out the top of my head?"

That caused the others to laugh, but James was still frowning. "Remus, you didn't become an Animagus, did you?" He asked.

Remus shook his head, but before he could answer Tonks gasped. "Remus, look," she said softly, pointing up into the sky. Everyone looked up and stared at the full moon that was shining down on the small group.

Remus looked up, tears in his eyes. He had wished and hoped for this moment for years, but had never really believed that there would be a time when he could look at the full moon through human eyes. "It makes sense," he said softly. "The curse can't work in the afterlife because, well, it's the afterlife. The wolf is still a part of me though, so I can't get rid of it, so it's become almost like an Animagus. I wonder if it still works when the moon isn't full…"

Sirius laughed. "Who cares Moony? You're normal!" The others cheered, laughed, and clapped, all of them smiling for their friend.

"C'mon Remus, I think Moony and Padfoot need to howl together once more, wouldn't you say?" Sirius said. Without a moment's hesitation from either of them, they both changed into their animal forms and lifted their heads to the sky, letting out a long, loud howl that was pure happiness.

James ran over to them halfway through their howl, already a stag, and tagged them with his antlers before dashing across the field. Sirius and Remus growled at being interrupted, but gave chase anyways. After all, the Marauders were running under the moonlight again, and that was all that mattered.


End file.
